


Do What You Want

by starduster



Category: Gintama
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Dirty Talk, Flogging, Heavy BDSM, M/M, Watersports
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-19
Updated: 2015-07-19
Packaged: 2018-04-10 01:38:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4372145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starduster/pseuds/starduster
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They have an agreement: Sougo can do whatever he wants to Tosshi so long as Hijikata doesn't have to know what it was.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Do What You Want

**Author's Note:**

> This was written with the (probably incorrect) notion that Hijikata does not share memories with Tosshi.

It was somewhat of an unspoken agreement between them, that Sougo was free to do what he wanted with Tosshi. Sougo had an itch to scratch and apparently so did Tosshi, so after the first time he’d woken up next to Sougo in an SM hotel with a startling variety of tended-to cuts and bruises but no memory of what had actually happened, he figured maybe it was best he didn’t know and just let it happen.

As tense bedmates they’d made the agreement: Sougo can do whatever he wants to Tosshi, so long as Hijikata doesn’t have to know what it was. Hijikata won’t admit that he takes some pleasure in seeing Sougo as content and happy as he is when Hijikata’s come back to himself in the aftermath of a session, that mysterious wounds and a little bit of shame are a fair price to pay to see Sougo happy. He’s seen the boy suffer quietly in the months since his sister’s death, and if this is what helps him, so be it.

 

Sougo drops the heavy bag full of equipment on the bed beside Tosshi, watching curiously as the man flinches. “Well then,” Sougo says, crossing his arms and looking down his nose at the vice-commander. “Same rules as always?”

“Y-yeah,” Tosshi stammers, rubbing his arms anxiously. His gaze flickers back and forth between Sougo’s eyes and the floor, but the way he bites at his lip betrays how eager he really is for this. Sougo smirks.

“Well then, you know what to do.” With this he crosses the room to the plush armchair in the corner and waits. He must admit he’s fond of this room, always requests it if it’s available during their sessions. Its grand, faux-European décor and variety of hooks and whatnot for suspension, plus the throne-like armchair, are a perfect environment in which to torture the vice-commander.

Tosshi stands and slowly strips out of his clothes. He’s grown used to the intensity of Sougo’s gaze, it seems, gaining confidence with each session. Stepping over the pile of discarded clothing, he makes his way to Sougo, kneeling before him and bending to press a kiss to his boot. He doesn’t raise his head, just as Sougo has trained him to do.

And so they begin.

With the tip of his boot, Sougo lifts Tosshi’s chin, inspects the nervous excitement in his eyes, the pale pink flush of embarrassment-arousal already dusting his cheeks. He grins, dropping his foot and instead deciding to press teasingly against his crotch. Tosshi sucks in a breath and bites his lip, squirming against Sougo’s foot.

“O-Okita-shi, thank you for h-having me tonight,” he murmurs, working through the familiar routine of the beginning of their sessions. “I’m honored to have you fuck me tonight.”

“As you should be,” Sougo says as he pushes stoutly at Tosshi’s stomach, knocking him back onto his ass. Sougo leaves him and makes his way to the equipment bag on the bed, rifling through its contents until he finds the things he’s looking for: a small bottle of lubricant, a red silk blindfold, and the assortment of silk ropes he’s become so fond of. There’s a bottle of water there as well, and he takes a long drink before turning back to Tosshi with his equipment.

Wordlessly he ties the blindfold, fingers dancing tenderly across Tosshi's skin. "Regular safewords," he says casually. "Green, yellow, red. You know the deal."

"Yes sir," Tosshi answers obediently, and he holds out his hands as Sougo wraps them tightly with the rope, his knots solid and practiced.

Sougo sits back in his chair, spreads his legs invitingly though Tosshi can't see it. He guides him back with his hand, steers him towards his cock. "You know what to do." He undoes his pants and pulls his cock out, then sits back and watches the show.

Tosshi's lips press carefully to the skin, his tongue snaking out, tracing a long line down its length. Sougo's hand rests on his head, encouraging his movements. He hardens slowly under Tosshi's ministrations, and helps only by reaching down to pull back his foreskin. Tosshi's mouth is hot around him, his tongue lathing carefully over the hard flesh, and he's careful to keep his teeth out of harm's way.

Sougo grows hard in his mouth and Tosshi sinks down lower, letting Sougo into his throat. He swallows around him, bobbing as much as he can without gagging. Sougo's hips thrust just barely, the head of his cock bumping the back of Tosshi's throat, but he swallows down the gag and lets Sougo start to fuck his mouth. One of Sougo's hands brushes against Tosshi's throat, feeling himself through the skin, and the other tightens in black hair as he starts to thrust. He's slow and careful, aware that Tosshi isn't fond of deepthroating, but the way Tosshi rocks uncomfortably on his knees and shifts his thighs in an attempt to get some stimulation on his cock makes up for it.

Sougo reaches out with his foot and slowly runs the toe of his boot up Tosshi's erection, feeling Tosshi jump at the sensation, but he's grinding forward nonetheless. "You're eager tonight, aren't you?"

Tosshi swallows and bobs his head, a facsimile of a nod, and Sougo strokes his cheek tenderly. He thrusts a final hard time, feels Tosshi gag around him.

"But that's enough of that," he murmurs as he pulls out. He helps Tosshi to his feet with a guiding hand. "Go lie on the floor in the middle of the room, on your back. Wait patiently."

Tosshi nods, navigating slowly, bumping the side of the bed as he goes. Sougo sheds his coat and cravat, unbuttons the first few buttons of his shirt to combat the room's oppressive heat. He takes another long swig from his water bottle, though it's not necessary at this point: his bladder's plenty full.

Tosshi waits obediently on his back, fingers twitching anxiously.  Sougo steps up to him and stands over his hips, one foot on either side. 

When the first drops of piss hit his skin Tosshi jumps like he’s been shot. His cock throbs and he shudders when the drops become a stream that soaks him to the bone. Sougo grins, shaking his cock and delighting in the way Tosshi sputters when some gets in his mouth. “How’s my piss taste, huh, Tosshi? Make sure you don’t spill any.”

Tosshi whimpers from his spot on the floor, fingers curling anxiously against his chest as the hot fluid runs through the valleys of muscle carved across his torso. He bites down hard on his lip when Sougo’s booted foot settles on his cock, pressing down just hard enough to hurt.

“You’re my slut, right? You’ll let me do whatever I want to you because you’re just my cum slut, right?”

“I’m your cum slut,” Tosshi slurs out, trembling as piss splashes down on him, as his cock twitches and strains against Sougo's boot. He swallows down the piss in his mouth, coughing at the taste but moaning as Sougo aims straight for his face, dirtying him, claiming him. Sougo’s foot grinds down on his cock, and Tosshi can’t help the cry that rips from his throat.

As the piss tapers off, Sougo retrieves a small bottle from his trouser pockets. Spreading the lube liberally over his cock, Sougo kneels between Tosshi’s legs and runs his dry hand soothingly across the taut muscles of Tosshi’s stomach. “What’s your color, slut?” But his voice is softer, gentler now.

“G-green,” Tosshi mumbles, turning his face away from Sougo in embarrassment. “Keep g-going.”

Sougo smirks. “Good,” he says curtly, then roughly jams a couple of slick fingers into Tosshi’s hole. Throwing back his head and moaning, Tosshi clenches around the intruding fingers and jerks his hips away. A sharp slap lands on his cock, and a scream rips out of his throat.

“Don’t fight me, whore,” Sougo scolds, taking a firm hold of Tosshi’s cock and pressing his thumbnail agonizingly against the slit. Tosshi lets out a keening whine, straining against what little stimulation Sougo’s providing. "Do you want me to fuck you?"

"Yes, yes, oh _please_ -"

"Beg for it like I've taught you."

Tosshi’s trembling harder than Sougo's ever seen him as he slowly spreads his legs, and Sougo watches with delight as his asshole clenches around his fingers. "P-please, sir, please put y-your cock in me and use me, please."

"Good," he breathes out again, grasping Tosshi's thighs and yanking him closer, earning a startled cry as Sougo pushes his legs up to his chest, nearly folding him in half. "Since you asked like a good boy." He doesn't prepare him, just shoves in and lets Tosshi spasm around him as he starts to fuck him. Tosshi is hot and tight as he clenches around him, and Sougo groans at how goddamn _good_ he feels. Tosshi's breath comes ragged and pained-sounding, but he's moaning and begging in equal measure and precome is dripping from his cock to join the puddle of piss on his stomach.

His pace is relentless, furiously pounding away as Tosshi moans and quivers and cries before him. Impulsively he reaches up and shoves the blindfold up and off of Tosshi's eyes, red meeting blue as Sougo fucks him into the floor. "You've got such pretty eyes, Tosshi," he growls, hips never stopping. "You're such a pretty little whore. And you're only for me, aren't you?"

"O-only for you, sir," Tosshi parrots, biting his lip and groaning as one particularly hard thrust hammers into his prostate. Sougo grins wickedly, bending and placing a bite on Hijikata's neck, where he knows the cravat of their uniform will only partially cover the mark.

He won't last much longer, he knows, and he lifts Tosshi's hips enough and shifts around so that he can piledrive him until he's done. It's a bitch on Tosshi's back, but isn't that what this is all about? "Gonna come inside you," he mutters, fingers curling hard enough to bruise against Tosshi's hipbones. He can feel his balls tightening, the delectable pleasure curling up in his belly, before he finally slams home and comes hard.

Tosshi whimpers, his own cock twitching, and then he too is coming, and their position results in him coming all over his own face. He appears to realize his mistake quickly, eyes widening as Sougo pulls out and gently drops his legs to the floor. It's almost comical, such a wide-eyed, shocked look with come all over his face, but Sougo's not going to give him a break just because he looks stupid.

"I didn't give you permission to come," he says, a sinister note in his voice, as he walks back and retrieves a large vibrator from the bag on the bed. In a swift motion he shoves it in and corks Tosshi up, and the man groans at the over stimulation when Sougo switches it on.

"I'm so s-sorry," he pleads, squirming and twitching around the new intruder. "It was just too good, sir-"

"If sorry was enough we wouldn't have seppuku. Now stand up, and take your punishment." He gestures up towards the hook on the ceiling. "Suspend yourself, but don't let the vibrator fall out." He turns and leaves Tosshi to it, listening with amusement to his struggling whimpers and moans as he attempts to do what he's been told. His next target is at the bottom of the bag, a tool he hadn't intended to use tonight: a cat o' nine tails, made of supple leather with wicked knots at the end of each tail. Additionally, he grabs a footstool the hotel keeps stashed under the bed; if Tosshi's suspended, Sougo's going to need it.

When he turns back, he finds that Tosshi's successfully done what he's been instructed, and his cock is already starting to harden again. His eyes are closed, and he's twitching minutely.

Sougo approaches him, teases the leather of the tails slowly across Tosshi's chest. "I'm going to flog you now, for your insolence. Do you understand?"

Tosshi swallows thickly. "I understand, sir."

"What's your color, Tosshi?"

"Green," he murmurs. "Green."

Sougo circles him slowly, shark-like. "Only a few strikes," he says casually. "Coming without permission is not too severe of a crime. Make sure you don't come until I tell you."

_Whap_. The first strike draws from Tosshi a yelp his body jerking away from the pain stinging across his back.

_Whap_. He chokes back a sob with the second strike. Whap. The third strike finally elicits a scream, as do the fourth and the fifth, and though his cock twitches and drips, he stands firm. Blood drips down his back, now a lovely canvas of red welts and rivulets of blood. Sougo reaches out and runs his hand gently across the tattered skin.

"That's all," he says softly, reaching around and stroking his cock slowly. "You did very well, Tosshi, _very_ well." He tosses the cat off to the side, and reaches down to turn the vibrator up a few notches. "Come for me, Tosshi."

Tosshi nods shakily, inhaling sharply when Sougo begins to jerk him off. He comes, silently, a moment later, voice open in a silent cry. Sougo presses a gentle kiss to his back and withdraws the vibrator slowly, tosses it to the side, then steps around to Tosshi’s front to observe his creation.

Tosshi hangs before him, a beautiful portrait of orgasmic ruin. He strains to stay on his toes to keep pressure off his wrists as he sucks in desperate breaths. Sougo’s come runs slowly down his thighs as blood trickles down his back from where the cat stung a bit too hard, and tears of exhaustion and pleasure and relief run down his cheeks from closed eyes.

Smiling at his handiwork, Sougo kicks his footstool into place before him and steps up, reaching above them to untie the ropes. He catches Tosshi as he falls, wrapping strong arms around him as he steps down from his stool, knowing that Tosshi’s legs will be much too wobbly to catch himself. Tosshi leans limply against him as Sougo tosses the ropes to the side, then threads him arms back around his partner’s waist.

“You did so, so good for me,” he murmurs in Tosshi’s ear. “You were so beautiful. I love you, Hijikata-san, so, so much.” This is his one allowance, the only time he lets his feelings slip through and lets the façade drop. Tosshi trembles against him, and Sougo feels him swallow heavily.

"A... a bath, please?" Tosshi asks quietly, whispering into Sougo's ear.

"Of course." He loops an arm around Tosshi's waist and helps walk him to the bathroom. They sit under the spray of the shower as the tub fills, not quite so hot as to agitate Tosshi's wounds. Gentle hands wash antibiotic soap across the tattered plane of Tosshi's back, Sougo murmuring endearments and praises.

They rest quietly in the bath, Tosshi resting between Sougo's legs, his back to Sougo's chest. Sougo massages his shoulders, strained from the suspension.

After about ten minutes Tosshi tenses under his hands, motionless, and Sougo knows that Tosshi is no more, that Hijikata has come back.

“You came back earlier than usual.” There’s a hint of anxiety in Sougo’s voice that he can’t disguise, but Hijikata blessedly ignores it.

“I know,” Hijikata responds with a yawn. “Waking up naked in a bathtub with you is only slightly less disturbing than waking up naked beside you in a hotel bed.” Sougo’s hands have stilled on his back, and Hijikata throws a half-hearted glare back at him over his shoulder. “What are you doing? Finish what you started.”

Sougo smiles. “Of course, Hijikata-san.” His hands resume their kneading, working the knots out of Hijikata’s shoulders with practiced ease. They rest in silence for a long while, Hijikata pliant under Sougo’s fingers, sighing quietly when they dip and press into a particularly tense spot.

“Hey.”

“What?”

“When you took me out of the suspension you told me you loved me. Not Tosshi, me. What was that about?”

A cold dread rushes into the pit of Sougo’s stomach, and he forces down the sudden urge to just snap Hijikata’s neck. His fingers still over Hijikata’s skin, trembling. “You said you never remember what happens when you’re Tosshi.” His voice is barely a whisper, and this time there’s no keeping the fear out of his voice.

“I usually don’t, but I remembered that. Strange, isn’t it?” A tense silence stretches between them, broken only by the gentle lap of the water against the sides of the tub. Sougo feels like his balls are about to shrivel up with terror.

Finally he lifts himself up on weak legs, stepping over the edge of the tub and reaching for a towel. “I’m going to go clean up the room,” he says hoarsely. “Come out when you’re done and I’ll tend to the cuts.”

 

Okita Sougo is never one to show fear or excitement or any emotion, really. He keeps himself locked away beneath a cold, uncaring mask, never shown to anyone, not Hijikata, not Kondo, and only rarely to his dear sister. A nerve was struck then, hard enough to crack that careful façade of nonchalance, enough to expose something deeper. Sighing in irritation, Hijikata drops his head back onto the rim of the tub and rubs at his temple in an attempt to ward off the headache he can already feel coming.

“You’re a damn idiot,” he says quietly to the empty room.

 

Sougo’s sitting cross-legged on the bed when Hijikata finally emerges from the bathroom, his equipment piled in his lap as he cleans off each piece with practiced care. The room has already been cleaned, the mess on the floor already sopped up with towels that have already been tossed down the linen chute. Sougo looks up him when the bed dips and Hijikata sits down across from him.

His back is turned, putting on display the myriad of cuts and scrapes from the flogging. Wordlessly Sougo sets his equipment to the side, heart racing, and retrieves his medical kit from the bag as well as a carton of cigarettes and a lighter that he passes to Hijikata. Any other day, Tosshi would be sitting in front of him half-asleep, only barely listening as Sougo praises him and offering simple responses to questions about the session.

Now they sit in an uneasy silence as Sougo spreads antibiotic ointment across the cuts and gently presses on a couple of bandages over the deeper ones. Acrid smoke wafts around Hijikata’s head, and it has the added benefit of choking out any words that Sougo wants to say.

As expected, Hijikata has no intention of letting the unspoken issue fall by the wayside.

“Can I ask you one thing?" Hijikata says quietly, taking another long drag off his cigarette.

"If you want."

"Did you mean it?"

_There it is_. Sougo sighs. "What does it matter?" He rubs the ointment a bit too hard across a cut, feels a bit of rage starting to rise inside him. But directed at who? "Doesn't fucking matter if I meant it or not. You weren't supposed to hear it." He can feel the tremble in his fingers, knows Hijikata can too. "I say that to all of my subs when we're done." A bluff.

"And what other subs would those be?" A parry. "Just be honest with me, Sougo."

"Why?" His hand curls into a fist, nails scraping across Hijikata's skin. "Why, so you can fucking drag me through the mud like you did to ane-ue?" There are tears welling in his eyes, he shouldn't have said that, for either of their sakes. It's too soon, too low a blow, but the words are spilling out of his mouth before he can dam them back. "Why does it fucking matter that I love you if you hate me and it will just make me feel so much fucking worse?!" He hates the frantic note of hysteria tinging his voice, but he can't stop it. Sougo drops his head against Hijikata's back, feels the tears drip off his face and slide down the muscled plane of Hijikata's back.

"I hate you," he hisses, "because you took them away from me. I hate you because you loved them instead of me. And now I've fucked up, because you hate me and I still love you, and there's nothing I can fucking do about it." The last words fade off into a wracking sob.

Hijikata moves away from him silently, and in an instant Sougo's fist is rocketing towards Hijikata's face before Hijikata is turning and catching his wrist and pulling him against him. Sougo sobs against his collarbone but his arms wrap around Hijikata's waist and he tucks his face into his skin and tries to suck in a shaking breath. Hijikata's fingers are sliding slowly through his hair, and his free hand strokes soothingly across his back.

"It matters that you love me," he murmurs, voice barely audible, "because I don't like seeing you unhappy, and that's all I ever see you as. I let you use Tosshi because you're genuinely happy afterwards, and you smile at me like you used to smile at Mitsuba and Kondo, and I'd let you use _me_ if you weren't into all this weird shit." Sougo makes a noise like something caught between another sob and a laugh. "You're too young to suffer this much, and if you love me, and me loving you back will make you happy, then I want to do whatever I can to make sure that Mitsuba is proud of both of us."

Sougo sniffles, but doesn't raise his head. He laughs quietly again. "She's probably not very proud of what I did to Tosshi a while ago."

Hijikata snorts out a little laugh, dipping his head and pressing a gentle kiss to the crown of Sougo's head. Sougo sucks in a breath and lifts his head, staring forlornly at Hijikata through tear-swollen eyes. "Do you mean what you said, or are you just confessing to me because it will make me stop crying?" He sounds pathetic, and is sure that the tears and snot all over his face look it as well, but he doesn't care.

Then Hijikata is kissing him, soft and chaste, and Sougo relaxes against him and lets his fingers splay across the dips and divots of muscle that interrupt the perfect plane of the vice-commander's back, sighing and trying to breathe through his nose. "I never thought about it much before," Hijikata finally murmurs, "because I was too busy thinking about how much you hated me, and that I would never let you get close to me because I didn't want to hurt you like I did Mitsuba. But I think I did mean it." He cups Sougo's cheek in his hand, lets his thumb rub slowly, gently, across his cheekbone. "Maybe it's something I still need to figure out. But for now, I just don't want you to look at me so sadly again."

Sougo hiccups quietly, wiping at his face with his hands. "I'm sorry."

"I'm the one who should apologize."

"Please hold me again."

And so he does.

 

When he wakes in the middle of the night, he finds that Sougo has tucked himself up against his side, their legs twined together and the faintest of smiles on Sougo's sleeping visage. He bends and kisses him once more, wrapping an arm around him and turning enough that he can hold Sougo's slender frame against him.

It was worth it, swallowing what little pride he had left and confessing what he wasn't sure was the truth. Now, watching Sougo mumble in his sleep and pull himself closer, he knows it was the truth. He knows that he's dug this hole, but perhaps it's a good place to wind up.

**Author's Note:**

> This is the most self-indulgent piece of shit I've ever written. I hope y'all like it, because I'm embarrassed. This started out with the intention to be 100% porn, then it got feelsy. Oh well.


End file.
